SURVIVING LIFE

Wee Bit Behind

2011-05-27T00:30:00.008-06:00

Okay, so I realize it has been over a year since I last posted anything but if you know me then you know things have been a little crazy in that year.

1. Separated from Evan in August 2010
2. Moved in with Rachel October 2010
3. Divorced January 13, 2011
4. Trying to keep my life intact and not go insane.....Priceless!

So, that is what has happened in a nutshell over the past year.

I have had a very difficult time because I am not with Chance all the time since Evan happens to be one of the good dads out there and loves spending as much time as possible with his son. I also went through quite a bit of crap for separating from Evan and instantly moving in with a woman, I am sure everyone had their opinions on that matter and frankly, I don't give a damn.

I have come to realize what is important in life and that is my handsome boy and me. If we are okay then life is okay. I realized that I had made a lot of mistakes in my marriage and although it may be nice to blame everything on Evan, it is not fair nor true. I was not a happy person for a long time, not any one's fault but my own, and I did not like the idea that the unhappiness in me and my marriage was affecting my child. Evan is not a bad person at all and did not deserve some of the things that went down in our marriage, we all make mistakes we are not proud of, it is just a matter of recognizing those mistakes, apologizing, forgiving yourself, and moving on. Moving on is hard, sometimes too hard. I wish life were more simple sometimes but I just take the hard stuff and apply it to future issues to avoid too much conflict.
I lost some friends and family on this journey to find myself and that is one thing that has been the most difficult. Sure, I can sit here and say that you know who your true friends are when shit goes down and I am better off without those people, but it still hurts like hell.
Me and Evan have actually become great friends because we realized the most important person in all of this was Chance. We realized that we needed to do what was best for him and stop being so damn selfish and petty. It is really great to have an ex who is willing to do what is best for the child. I think we have also realized that the friendship we once had got lost along the way in our 10 year marriage and we just did not know how to piece it back together. I am not proud of the way things went down and some days I wish I had a do over but again, this is where I apply that "learning from living" thing.

Anyway, enough of that.

Chance is almost THREE!!!! WTF?!?!
Where did the time go? I swear I was just pregnant!!!
I have to say, and I know I am biased,this is the most amazing kid! He has an amazing memory, personality, sense of humor and to top it all off, he is ADORABLE.
He says some of the cutest (and sometimes foulest) things I have heard. For example:
The other day we were in the car and we took a sharp turn and the next thing I heard from the back seat was "Hold on to your knickers!", WTH!! Where did that come from? So cute. I have also come to realize that he is a parrot......not good. If you know me you know I am not the best at using language suited for a lady. So, needless to say, his vocabulary can lean towards the vulgar side. :)
He loves to call people schmucks and retards, not my fault, this I blame all on his Uncle Ryan.
Anyway, I will supply you with some pictures and hopefully I can keep up with this blog thing a little better.

Happy trails!

And away we go.....

2010-02-10T18:39:00.004-07:00

So it has been awhile since I have updated my blog and since Chance is sleeping I thought this would be a good time. Me & Evan are about to celebrate our 9 year anniversary this weekend, which is insane, but also very cool. We have been through so much together, both good and bad, but we have made it this far. Sometimes it seems so crazy to me that I am only 27 and married 9 years but in other aspects it makes a lot of sense. He is such a great man and fantastic dad. I could not have asked for anything better in the person I chose to spend my life with. We are also very lucky to have such an awesome son. Even though it has been 17 months it still feels so surreal to see this little person walking around our home. He brings so much light into our lives. We are truly blessed.

I cannot believe that our little man is 17 months old. It really seems like it was just last week we found out we were even having a baby. So crazy. He has so much energy and his personality is amazing. He has the greatest sense of humor also. There are times when he finds something funny and he will hit the floor and cover his eyes while he laughs, it is the cutest thing I have ever seen. He also has a little temper, if he is unhappy about something he will be sure to let you know. Sometimes he throws tantrums that are so funny I have to leave the room so I can laugh because we do not want him to think it is okay to act like that.
He is also at the age where he has learned "hi", which means he goes to the dogs or people he does not know and waves while he says "hi" in this cute little baby voice. It is so funny! I am hoping to catch him one time on video so we can save it for when he is older. I know I may regret this but I cannot wait to actually hear him talk. I can only imagine the kinds of outrageous things he is going to say. I am sure after a week I will want him to be at the age where he could not talk but for now I want to have cute conversations with him.
There are so many cute things he does that I could take about 6 hours just writing them all down but I will not bore you.

We are very lucky in our lives right now to have such a great family. No matter how hard the times get I know I will always have my family that will stick by us.

Here are some pictures of the little one I thought you would enjoy. Most of them were taken by Aunt Tina at Christmas since we were in charge of recording video of him. She always takes the best pictures anyway.

Chance loves bath time!!

Me & my little man. He was so tired after opening all of his presents.

These two are so cute together.

Chance made out pretty good. I think 4 or 5 of these are for me and Evan. LOL!

This is a turtle that his Uncle Eric & Aunt Tina got while in California. Chance gave it a big hug. It was a hit!

Time to catch up

2009-11-11T12:10:00.008-07:00

Still has a happy face

Our Halloween Costumes

Chance smashing his cake

At the hospital

The results of the cake smashing

Happy about his costume

It has been quite a long time since I last posted and we have had a few adventures.
First, on August 13 Evan had gone to work as usual and I was getting Chance ready to settle down. We put on our pajamas and off I went into the kitchen to make a bottle. I was in the kitchen for maybe 10 seconds and I heard a growl and then a very loud scream. I ran into the living room to see what had happen and there was Chance bleeding from his head, it seemed like there was blood everywhere. I guess he had been trying to walk and fell on our dog who in turn thought it was another dog trying to play so she bit whoever the intruder was, which happen to be Chance. I called the ambulance and they took him to Primary Children's. We were there for almost 9 hours. They had to clean out the wounds (which caused Chance to turn into the Hulk and try to throw everyone away from him) and then he had to get 18 stitches. It was one of the worst days of my life. I was scared out of my mind. Chance on the other hand was loving the attention. He had a bunch of female nurses attending to him and he was as big of flirt as ever. He is such a champ. He has healed nicely with little scarring.

Next we celebrated his 1st birthday on August, 29. I cannot believe he is already one. That is insane!! Time is flying way too quickly.
We had a pretty good crowd and Chance was loving all of the attention. He dove into his cake with only a moments hesitation and opened his presents with the enthusiasm of a child seeing his first snow. It was adorable. We rented a space in a park in West Jordan so we could fit everyone and the kids had somewhere to play. We played with a pinata (which Evan ended up breaking open for the kids) and had good food and cake. Thank you to everyone who were able to make it to the party, it would have not gone as well without you all there.

Last we have Halloween. Chance was the cutest elephant I have ever seen. We took him to his Aunt Tina's work to some trick or treating. He never really got it down but he tried. There were a few times he thought he had to trade the candy he had for the candy the person was trying to give him. Too cute!
We stopped by Grandma Laura's and Grandma Irwin's to show off his costume and do some trick or treating there. They loved his costume.
Next, we went to Sara's to go trick or treating with her husband and his 2 boys who absolutely adore him. That was a lot of fun.
Finally to end the evening we headed to our good friends, Buddy & Sam, for a Halloween party. Everyone thought Chance was adorable!I went as Betty Rubble and Evan went as Fred Flinstone, thanks to our costume we got a prize for the most like the television show. It was great fun!!

So, that is what has been going on out here in Canada. We are still having so much fun. Chance runs all over the place and is a ball of energy but he goes to bed with no fuss at 8 or 8:30 so I will not complain. He is trying very hard to talk and he does say a few words but mainly just lets you know what he is talking about with his hands. He has grown up so much already and it is so awesome to see everything from his eyes. We are very excited for Christmas this year since he is a little more aware than last year. It should be exciting.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you to all who have given us their love and support and making Chance feel very special!

Are you kidding me?

2009-08-05T11:12:00.006-06:00

So, it has almost been a year since our new addition to the family and I am in complete denial. There is no way that this little boy is going to be a year old in less than a month. I will not believe it. I figure if I just keep denying it then it will not happen. I know, I know....good luck to me.

Chance has grown up so much already and when I look at those pictures from the first weeks of his life I cannot believe that my son and that boy in the picture are one and the same. Where has the time gone? How the he** did time go by so fast?

Chance learned to crawl when he was 7 months and now he is trying his hardest to walk. He loves it when you hold out your hand to him because he knows that means he gets to walk instead of crawl. He can already walk back and forth between furniture and every once in awhile he will walk from the hall to the couch. He laughs when he walks and gets very excited, which of course makes him fall down.

He has definitely come into his personality (stubborn) and makes it known when he is not happy. But, all in all he is a very happy baby and brings a smile to almost everyone who meets him, escpecially woman servers, he always gives them his "special" smile.

We bought him is first potty and he loves to play with it but we do not expect to really have him potty trained until he is 2 or so. I do not like the idea of pressuring him and he is stubborn enough already so we hope he will get the idea when we take him in and show him. I don't know, I guess I am just hoping for the best since this is my first one.

Anyway, we are really excited to celebrate his birthday and we have had so much fun shopping for all the necessities for a 1st birthday party. It should be fun.
I just hope there is no drama and we can make this about Chance!

I will be adding some new pictures to the website from our first zoo visit and some times at the lake. Be sure to check them out. For now, here are a few of my favorites.

Chance & Grandpa Irwin at the lake. This is one of my favorite pictures.

Chance just woke up and he had a little bed head. Too cute!

Chance in his new floatie and his first time in the lake. He was not a fan.

Life is what you make of it!

2009-06-05T15:21:00.003-06:00

So, it has been awhile since I posted anything but sometimes I am not sure what to report. We have had some setbacks, as I am sure everyone has, but we are trying our best to keep a positive perspective. We are so blessed to have what we have. We are all healthy and we have our jobs. At work this past month they did ask all of us to take a "voluntary" unpaid week of vacation, I took mine during Memorial Day week, I am not excited to see that paycheck but it is better to take a week than a year.
Evan is still working for the company that bought Irwin's Trucking property and he likes it for the most part. The only thing that sucks is he sometimes does not get home until 2 in the morning and our little monster likes to wake him up early on those days.

Speaking of the little monster. Chance is doing great. He is now 9 months old, crawling and getting into everything within reach. At our last doctor appointment a few weeks ago Chance weighed 24 pounds and is already 30 inches, he is as tall as most 1 years olds. I am so glad he is growing so well.
In regards to the crawling, our house is like a prison now, we have to gate everything that poses a threat and apparently that is everything.
As he gets older I cannot believe how much he looks like Evan. It seems so odd to see a "little Evan" around the house. Chance LOVES his daddy a bunch. He thinks he is the funniest person ever. He smiles and giggles whenever Evan is around, it is adorable. I am so glad they have such a deep bond. Dads are so important in a childs life and I did not understand that until having one of my own. I could not imagine doing this without Evan. He is my support system and I am sure I would have gone crazy by now.

This is Chance's favorite place to take naps.

His new position while sleeping in his own bed.

9 month milestone picture taken at Kiddie Kandids, this is my favorite.

Anyway, that is all that is going on here in far away Layton. I hope all of you are doing well and life is treating you good.

Life is like a box of chocolates

2009-04-15T11:21:00.004-06:00

So, it has been 3 weeks since we moved back to Layton and I have mixed feelings.
I love being back in a house, escpecially that house, I love that house but I absolutely hate the drive to work. It is not bad traffic or anything like that but it seems to take a very long time, I guess I was really spoiled when I lived a whole 5 minutes away. Having an SUV is not so great now.
Chance loves the house too, he is always playing on the floor and getting into things like little babies do. He rolls all over the place, it is so much fun to watch. We are still unpacking so there are boxes everywhere but I hope to have all of this done before Chance's first birthday (which is in 4 and a half months... crazy)! Evan is working the night shift and is not getting home until 2:30 or 3:00 every morning and then he gets to be Mr. Mom from 7:30 to 3:30. Poor guy, I do not know how he does it. Gotta love him!

We have had a hard month but we are trying to get through it. Thank goodness for everyone who has helped and given us so much support. Without them I am not sure we would make it. It is great to have family you can depend on and know they will always be there for you no matter what.
It is hard when there are a few who will not be there or those who you cannot depend on but I have learned to lean on those who will be there and let the others pass me by. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Last but not least. Evan's cousin Ryan left on the 10th to California for some training and then he is off to another tour in Afghanistan. He has bonded with Chance really well and it is sad that he will not be back until Chance is almost 2 years old. We are praying that he will make it back safely!

So, that is our life in a nutshell right now. Chance is getting bigger and stronger each day. He is so wonderful and we are so lucky to have him.

We hope everyone else is doing well!

Evan and Chance at the Car Show. I guess they both liked the same car.

This is at my mom's for the U of U and BYU game that happen awhile ago. I love the looks on their faces!

Evan and Chance at Temple Square. I love this picture.

Changes

2009-03-11T13:02:00.004-06:00

Moving back to Layton, oh what a joy. This has been an interesting year so far.
We have decided to move back to our house in Layton because of some issues we have encountered while living in Salt Lake. I, for one, am excited to be moving back to our house, I love that house and I am sad it is a trek from everyone but in a way it is good to have some distance. We have had to fix a lot of things up thanks to the renters we had in there last year and we have done a few upgrades as well so it is looking really good, a lot cuter and more cozy than before. Chance will now have a backyard, carpet to play on and a nice big room for all of his stuff, that is what is the most important to me, raising my son in a home. So, this should be an exciting move and we are hoping things will start to come into place for us, the only difficult thing is we will not have a baby-sitter so Evan can go to work early, he will now need to go in later and stay later to get his hours since he will have to wait for me to pick Chance up from him. Something that is a definite downside but doable. Anyway, that is what is new with us.

Chance is growing so fast and will not seem to stop, I know every mother feels this way about her child but I did not know how true it was until I encountered it.
He went to his six month appt. at the beginning of this month. His weight was 20.14lbs. and his length was 28 in. Wow! What a big kid. Everyone we talk to asks if he is 9 months and is genuinely shocked when I tell them he is 6 months. He handled his shots like a champ and flirted with the nurse as usual. He is such a happy kid, it is so fun. He seems to make everyone smile. One thing that is kind of new is what we call "hulking up", this is what he does when he is upset or just has a lot of excess energy. He will hunch his shoulders, shake and growl all at the same time, it is ADORABLE. We laugh every single time. I just hope he does not continue to do it when he is a teenager after I tell him no because I will have to leave the room so he does not see me laugh. He is so smart and energetic. He just wants to get up and run but he is not sure how. Anyway, be sure to check out the website for his new pictures that his Aunt Tina has taken, they are really good. I will leave you with two of the ones I love.

My two boys

Hulking up

Eight Years? Really?

2009-02-19T13:17:00.003-07:00

I have never liked the saying "Time flies when you are having fun" but I have to say after this past week, it has never been more true for me.
Me and Evan just celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary. That is insane. I cannot believe it has been 8 years. Wow! What an adventure it has been too.
Me and Evan have been through so much together and if you have been a part of our lives then you know what a roller coaster is has been. Evan has always been my best friend and I am so lucky to be sharing this life with him. He is my rock and has stood by me through thick and thin. No matter what has come towards us we have stuck together and beaten it against all odds. It has been a road full of bumps and surprises but we jumped in that 4x4 and rode it any way we could.
I am so lucky to have this man in my life and I feel blessed that we have made it this far.

One adventure that we are embarking on now is parenthood. We love it. Chance is such an awesome person and we love watching him experience life. He has made us both more happy than we ever imagined we could be. He has inspired us to be become better people because nobody deserves a greater life than him.
Evan is such a great dad also. That little boy absolutely adores him and I think I am safe to say that Evan feels the same way. I could not imagine a better person to be sharing this experience with.

Okay, now I am done with all the mushy and gushy stuff. Here are some photos of Chance I have recently taken.

Chance was sitting in his toy not doing much so I called his name and this is the result. Gotta love it!

Evan thought it would be funny to put him in this little box on the side of the semi. It was too cute not to take a picture.

These are my favorite smiles.

Time is flying and I am not okay with that!

2009-02-02T11:27:00.010-07:00

Chance is now 5 months old and that freaks me out. I cannot believe how fast time is going by. I need it to slow down. It scares me to think how fast these baby years are going by. I try to take every day slowly with him but it seems so hard when I am at work for 8 hours a day. I miss him tons while at work and I feel like I am missing out on so much. He seems to grow every second.
He has now found his voice and loves to make all sorts of noises. It is one of the cutest things I have ever seen and heard. He is also grabbing everything in sight, glasses, hair, lips....anything that is within arms reach he will go for. Now when we go to dinner we have to keep him away from the table because he loves to grab cups full of soda or coffee or whatever happens to be in there. One thing that I have found to be incredibly adorable is when you have him sitting on your lap he will turn and look at you, he always looks to see who is holding him.
Anyway, I am sure there is a ton more and I could go on and on but I do not want to bore anyone. Here are a few pictures I recently took that I found very cute.

This is a bear that we got from the baby shower that Chance loves. I thought this was so cute.

Chance is addicted to tv. My fault. I put him in his jumper to play with his toys and "stimulate" his mind and all he did was sit in it and watch tv. It was kinda funny.

This is how much he loves tv. I am so bad.

Here is Chance in his outside outfit. We are trying to avoid the winter flu or cold so this is what he goes out in when it is a wee bit nippy. We thought it was kinda funny because he could not put his arms down when we first put it on. Stefani said it reminded her of The Christmas Story, if you have ever seen that.

And here is Chance actually looking at me when I toook a picture. It is rare but I love when it happens.

Walking with the Dinosaurs and more Chance pictures

2009-01-15T11:17:00.011-07:00

Last night I went to Walking with the Dinosaurs with my Mom, John, Mati, Sara and all 4 kids. My mom had 2 extra tickets because Jacque and Colleen were not going to make it. It was actually a lot of fun. The dinosaurs were very cool and the show was very interesting and funny. I got some video from it on my phone and thought I would share some of my favorites. Stefani babysat for me since Evan works at night and I am sure she would have been okay if I never came home. :)

This is the Brachiosaurus, I think.

This is the Tyrannosaurus mommy coming out to protect her little one.

This is the mommy T-Rex and baby.

So, that is the end of the dino pictures and now I give you Chance. :)

Chance loves playing with his feet.

I am trying to put him on his stomach more so he can learn to roll from tummy to back. He is doing pretty good for not being on his tummy as much.

A current thing with him is falling asleep on Evan's knee while being bounced. This seems to happen anytime we go out to eat or if we are sitting at someone's house and Chance decides he is exhausted. I think it is adorable!

Things are still going really well and we are still having SO MUCH FUN with Chance. What a kid!

He loves his Daddy!

2009-01-09T09:19:00.002-07:00

The other night Chance was in a real mood because he is teething and it hurts. I was at home with him while Evan was at work and I could not get him to settle down for the life of me. Well, about 10 minutes into some major fussing in walks Evan. He walks over to Chance, takes him from my lap and sits him down with him on the couch. Here are the results. You may need to turn it up a little so you can hear Chance.

Nobody can ever say that this boy does not ADORE his Daddy and vice versa.

4 Months Already?

2009-01-08T15:22:00.009-07:00

I cannot believe it has been 4 months since we had Chance. Time has just flown by and it does not seem to be stopping at all. He has grown so much and his personality is really starting to show. He is going to be so much fun and so much trouble. I can tell he is going to be a mischief maker.

So, we went to his 4 month doctor appointment and I made Evan go with me because I could not stand to see Chance cry after his shots like he did at his two month checkup. We get in there and his weight is taken (17.9 lbs) and his height is charted (26 inches) and the pediatrician looks him over and says how healthy he looks! Okay, here comes the fun part. 2 nurses come in since we have to administer 3 shots and they want to do it all at the same time. They swab his legs, Evan is holding him and talking in his ear, needles go in and I squint my eyes because I somehow think this is going to make me see his reaction in a different way, I am waiting for the pain to sink in and the screaming to commence and what do I get.....a short, quiet cry and then he smiles at the nurse who had just given him the shots. What?!?!
I could not believe it! I just sat there and stared at Chance and Evan and then found myself laughing out loud in disbelief. I had worked myself into such a tizzy for that???? Wow!
Evan looked at me and gave me this big smile and got that smirk on his face, you know which one. Apparently Chance was fine because Daddy was holding him and not his stressed out crazy Mom or he is already acting tough for the ladies because he was flirting up a storm afterwards (like father like son).

Anyway, Chance is so much fun as he gets older. He turned over from back to front the first time on Christmas (which I got on video, yay!) and when he is on his stomach he looks like he wants to crawl so badly. He is going to be a fast one.
He has the cutest giggle and I love to watch Evan and him play. It just seems so natural. I cannot wait to see what the next 4 months bring. It is so much fun to watch him discover all these new things.
We put him in front of a mirror the other day and he kept looking at me in the mirror and then he would turn his head and look at the "real" me. He did this several times and looked shocked avery time he looked back at the mirror. He had to be confused but it was soooo cute!

So, that is the most current. I hope to stay on this a little better for those who are reading this.

Sad News & Goodbye 2008

2009-01-06T10:39:00.014-07:00

We spent New Years Eve with my Mom and sisters this year and that is where we learned my niece from Kenya, Jacque, was being sent back to Kenya New Years Day at midnight. We were all stunned as we had no idea that this was going to happen. So, on New Years Day we headed to the airport to say our goodbyes. She says she may come back when she is 19 since she is a citizen but she is not sure. I hope she does, she is a very cute girl and fun to talk to. She adores Chance and I think she is going to miss him the most. On a higher note, 2008 is over. Thank the Lord. I am so over 2008 and I hope 2009 will bring so much better. The only thing we could find joy in last year was having our healthy, beautiful son born in August.
As I said, me, Chance and Evan spent New Years Eve with my Mom, John, Sara, Bryan, Stefani and Shar. It was a lot of fun. We talked and munched on goodies until about 10 then we played the DVD version of Family Fued, sisters and Mom on one team and spouses on the other. I think the spouses won both times we played, us related ones have a tendency to be a bit blonde when getting together. Chance watched all of us and found it amusing to see us yelling back and forth and every time we looked over at him he would have this look like "Are you serious?" When midnight was close we changed the channel to Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest so we could see the ball drop. It was so nice to see that ball drop, 2008 is finally over! We stayed a little longer and got home around 1:30 which I am not used to at all since having Chance. I hope 2009 will be a better year for us and all I know who had a crappy 2008. Here are a few pictures of Chance on 12/31/08. I have one video of him playing with a toy he got for Christmas. He kept yelling at it for some reason. This kid is just too funny. The one picture is kinda blurry because he kept moving but I love that it looks like he is trying to show his muscles. We also found that he loves to put cold cans to his gums since he is teething. I did warn Bryan that if he was to give him a taste of the Red Bull, Chance would be going home with him for the night.

Then on New Years Day we headed to my Dad's family reunion. I did not take many pictures but I got a video of Chance I had to share. He is so tired that while Evan is bouncing him on his knee he is slowly falling asleep.

Too Cute!

2008-12-17T14:02:00.004-07:00

Chance is so amazing. I love everything about this kid! He is so much fun and always so cute. I cannot help but take pictures or video of him everywhere we go. We headed to Babies R Us yesterday because they were having clearance on clothes and we love their clothes. On our way around the store Evan put him in this chair and I thought he was too cute.
I also wanted to add this video of him playing with my nieces. He kept turning his leg in and the kids thought it was hilarious because he was dancing like Elvis. He is laughing at the kids and the kids are laughing at him. Can you tell it has been awhile since we had a baby in the fam?

Barber Shop

2008-12-10T09:49:00.006-07:00

So, my little sister's dad sings in a barber shop quartet and when Christmas comes around a bunch of them get together and serenade people who are willing to spend $5 to be serenaded with Christmas music. Sara asked me to go because her husband is not big on the whole singing thing. So, after the concert Bob got together with his quartet and gave us a private concert. Here are some clips I took with my phone. He really gets into it.

Telling me off!

2008-12-03T10:55:00.009-07:00

Last night while Evan was at work me and Chance were having a talk. The conversation started out by me asking what he was doing as he was gnawing on his hands and asking if I could have a taste. He was not happy that I would have the audacity to ask for a taste of his scrumptious hands and I caught his telling me so on my camera phone.

Oh what fun!

2008-12-01T10:27:00.014-07:00

Recently I found that Chance loves to have someone blow in his face. He thinks it is so funny. I am not sure why this is but it is funny to me also so I will indulge in all the smiles I can get.

Chance is now 3 months old and he loves to chew on his hands. I think he believes they are one of the greatest things ever. His hands are constantly saturated in spit and he loves it. We are very excited for his first Christmas this year and look forward to getting him several things that will help his development and his play time. He is so active and loves to discover new things, he seems to get bored very easily, unless he is playing with his Daddy.

Prop 8

2008-11-20T09:18:00.001-07:00

I have been having conversations with friends and family regarding this issue and all of it has been very amicable. I think that both parties deserve to have their opinions and to not be forced to agree that the other is right. I am for gay rights and marriage and believe love is love. Now, that being said. I was sent this column by my sister Stefani and it is HILARIOUS so I had to share. It really says how a lot of people feel, just in a really sarcastic way. If you know me, this is how I like it! Please read below and enjoy.

The Gay Marriage Column
Snide Remarks #600
"The Gay Marriage Column"
by Eric D. Snider
Published in EricDSnider.com on November 17, 2008

Well! There has been quite a rhubarb over this whole gay marriage thing! If you'll permit me, I'd like to employ my usual measured, careful analysis of this controversy to see if I can help us understand both sides a little better.
On the one side, you have the fags. The fags, the queers, the dykes, and the lesbos. They want the government to let them marry each other the same way people of the opposite sex marry each other, i.e., expensively, and followed by a lifetime of sexless drudgery. The homos also want to require kindergarten teachers to promote homosexuality to their students, complete with visual aids and in-class demonstrations; they want to destroy the traditional family unit and replace it with a society where everyone just walks around naked all the time, sometimes pausing in the street to do it with a stranger; they want the First Amendment rewritten to make all churches illegal except for the ones with fashionable interior design; and they want the national anthem replaced with something by Sondheim.
On the other side, you have the religious nutjobs -- the zealots, the whackos, the crusaders, the cultists. These bigots want to enforce Christianity -- their particular brand of it, of course, since all the other kinds of Christianity are wicked -- throughout the land, first by putting up Nativity scenes in federal courthouses, and eventually by replacing every American city's street lights with giant crucifixes and all state constitutions with copies of Guideposts magazine. They believe that gays are second-class citizens whose deviant behavior strips them of any rights under the Constitution, and that if the gays want to get married they should all just move to an island somewhere, start their own little gay-marriage colony, and eventually kill each other with AIDS (which religious people believe is spontaneously generated, like fire, when you rub two gays together).
There. Have I summed everything up?
California's recent vote on Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage in the state, was a close one -- 52% in favor of the ban, 48% against. What especially frustrated those opposing the proposition was that early polling had indicated a handy majority of voters agreed with them. It wasn't until a certain church got involved -- a certain church known as the Latter-day Saint LDS Church of the Mormons -- that the tide turned the other way. For those in favor of gay marriage, it was like playing a game of basketball where your team is outperforming the other team until the fourth quarter, when suddenly they bring in 750,000 extra players. The analogy is imperfect, because in this case the extra players did not violate the rules of the game, and because of course gays don't play basketball, but you get the idea.
The LDS Church made the unusual move of specifically encouraging its members in California to not just vote for Prop 8, but to donate their time and money to encourage others to vote for it, too. And for the most part, rank-and-file Mormons responded to their leaders' directions the way they usually do: they had a meeting, served refreshments, ran over by about 10 minutes, declared Democrats evil, talked about BYU football for a while, and then went out and did what had been asked of them. About $40 million was raised in support of Prop 8, and at least half of that was contributed by Mormons. Many church members also canvassed neighborhoods and made phone calls for Prop 8. It was an all-out effort, and there's no disputing it was the Mormon involvement that got Prop 8 passed. Mormons should be proud to know that their efforts paid off.
Strangely, however, now that gay-marriage proponents are expressing outrage and anger at the Mormons, many church members are acting like their involvement was inconsequential. They're celebrating on Election Night, and then the next day saying, "What? Why are you mad at US? We weren't the only ones!" There have also been several instances where it has become known that someone donated money to Prop 8 -- political contributions are a matter of public record -- and people have boycotted their businesses in response. This, too, has left some Prop 8 supporters hurt and confused.
What people failed to realize, I guess, is that when you get involved in a political issue, you don't get to choose what kind of response you get. You don't get to accept the congratulations for your victory but refuse the jeers from the losing side. That doesn't excuse the illegal reactions, of course. The physical threats, the vandalism, that's all out of bounds, obviously. But refusing to patronize a business whose owner contributed to a political cause you disagree with is a perfectly legal and reasonable thing to do. If you're going to take a stand for something, you have to accept that there's going to be a negative reaction from those who disagree with that stand.
A man named Dave Leatherby, owner of an ice cream shop in Sacramento and a devout Catholic, contributed, with his family, about $20,000 in support of the gay-marriage ban. He's now shocked and bewildered that the people who view his contribution as an attack on their civil rights are boycotting his business. According to an article in the Sacramento Bee, "he is particularly confused because his business has participated in the annual gay pride Rainbow Festival." Which is sort of like saying, "Sure, I punched you in the face and threw you in a ditch. But don't forget -- I also came to your birthday party last year!"
Some of the boycotting takes things too far, though. Some activists are calling for a boycott of the entire state of Utah, including the gay-friendly Sundance Film Festival, which is held in Utah's most liberal town, Park City. That's like boycotting Nevada because you don't like hookers. I guess "Utah" equals "Mormonism" in the same broad, stereotypical, mostly-true-but-not-entirely sense that "gay" equals "un-athletic."
Then there was the head of the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center organizing a drive to send protest postcards to LDS Church "president Thomas Munson," whose last name is actually Monson. Or gay columnist Dan Savage saying on CNN that a letter in support of Prop 8 had been read over the pulpit at all Mormon "temples," unaware that Mormon temples are quite different from the regular Mormon churches, which is where the letter was actually read. (Ask any Mormon -- the difference is huge.) Or the various calls to hold protests at Mormon temples on a Sunday, apparently unaware that Mormon temples are closed and empty on Sundays, because all the Mormons are at their churches. (See? Told you there was a difference.)
What we're finding is that the average gay activist knows as much about Mormons as the average Mormon knows about gays, i.e., mostly unflattering half-truths that they once heard from someone who doesn't like them.
There are some legal misunderstandings, too. Many Prop 8 opponents are saying the LDS Church's involvement in this political issue means it should have its tax-exempt status revoked. This refers to section 501(c)(3) of U.S. Title Code 26, which a lot of people didn't read because they heard it wasn't as good as U.S. Title Code 25, so I'll summarize it. It's laying out which groups are exempt from taxation, and it includes:
"Corporations ... organized and operated exclusively for religious ... purposes ... no substantial part of the activities of which is carrying on propaganda, or otherwise attempting to influence legislation." (The ellipses are to simplify the sentence by removing the parts that don't apply here.)
Now, I'm not a lawyer, but the church's lawyers are lawyers, and I'm guessing their defense lies in the word "substantial." You'd have a hard time showing that the church's attempt to influence the passage of Prop 8 constituted a "substantial" part of its activities, given that it's a worldwide church with billions of dollars in holdings and 13 million members. Only a small fraction of that money and those members reside in California. "Revoke their tax-exempt status!" makes sense until you actually read what the law says. Then you can see it's not so cut-and-dried.
But some Prop 8 supporters have been misunderstanding the law, too. I've been hearing a lot of this lately: "Prop 8 opponents should just drop it. The people have spoken and the measure has passed! It's over!" And that's a lame argument. Are you saying that if the outcome had been the other way around, you'd be saying, "Oh well! We lost. Time to move on and just accept gay marriage"? Of course not. "You lost! Get over it!" reeks of gloating and smugness, and it's as unhelpful as a lesbian in the kitchen on Thanksgiving.
Most of these people were upset that there even had to be a vote, considering Californians had already banned gay marriage once before, only to have that law struck down by the state Supreme Court. They complain that it's not fair for the court to go against the will of The People. Well, that argument's as useless and hollow as Bill O'Reilly's head. There's not a gentle way of saying this, so I'll just spit it out: It doesn't matter what The People want. Part of what the U.S. Supreme Court and the individual state supreme courts do is compare the will of The People against the state and U.S. constitutions. Those documents trump everything else. If The People vote for something that the Supreme Court determines is a violation of the Constitution, then it doesn't matter how many of The People voted for it. It's out, period.
So the issue isn't whether the state Supreme Court should be overruling The People, because the answer is yes, it should, if what The People want is unconstitutional. The issue is whether the Supreme Court was correct when it determined that a ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional. That's the question, and obviously there are strong arguments on both sides. Even the court itself was divided, 4-3, and if seven robe-wearing old people whose names you wouldn't recognize can't agree on something unanimously, then what hope is there for the rest of us?
As usual with these things, both sides are convinced of their own moral rightness, and each side is upset that its intolerance is not being greeted with more tolerance by the other side. Everyone claims to want to reach an "understanding" or a "compromise," but all they really mean is that they want the other side to give up and back down.
This is all wrong! Gays and Mormons should focus not on their differences but on what they have in common. They both love being persecuted and telling the world what martyrs they are, for example. They both love Disneyland. They both prefer Mitt Romney over John McCain. They're both always well represented on "American Idol." They're both unwelcome in Alabama. They're both suspicious of Catholic priests. The list goes on and on.
As these emotionally charged debates continue, it's important to remember what we share -- our desire for happiness, our inherent worth as human beings, and our gratitude to live in a country that lets us hash these things out without anyone having to raise an army or execute any dissenters. In the stirring words of our national anthem, let's send in the clowns.

Oh how he has grown

2008-11-17T10:55:00.005-07:00

For the past 2 months I have been watching my new baby boy grow like a weed. I cannot believe how much time has passed since he was born. I feel like I need to freeze this time so he does not continue to grow so fast. He is so adorable and his personality shows more each day and I now I know we are going to have a stubborn child on our hands (surprise, surprise).

Last night Stefani was over and playing with Chance to keep him awake so he would sleep through the night so I had to share this video of them having their converation. What a cutie!

I also wanted to add this one of Evan and Chance. He loves to play with his Daddy!

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

2008-11-11T13:08:00.002-07:00

So, today is my first day back to work and I hate it. I know Chance is fine since he is at home with his daddy but I miss him so much. I want to be there every waking moment but that is not a reality for us. I guess it is a good thing that Evan can stay and be there and not some stranger, thank the lord for small blessings! Evan has sent me pictures to keep me happy and I have one on my desktop that I look at whenever I need to see his face, which has been every five minutes. I would have to say this has been one of the most difficult days I have ever had to face. Thankfully there are people here that I have bonded with so it has made the transition a little easier. Oh how priorities change in life.

He's Here!

2008-10-20T22:02:00.005-06:00

Well, it has been over two months since I have typed in my blog so I thought I better catch up. Chance Alexander Irwin was born 8/29/08 at 1:48 a.m. weighing 7 lbs 14 ozs I am having so much fun and I am still in so much awe of my new son. He is amazing. It is so fascinating to watch someone experience things for the first time and you never know how much you take for granted until you do. He is so animated and loves to watch people no matter what they are doing. He is such a happy boy and loves to smile. I never thought you could love and care about someone this much. He holds his head up without support for the most part which amazes me because he is still so young but he is very strong and independent already. He just discovered his toes recently and it is the funniest thing ever, he tries to play with them whenever they are uncovered. He sleeps through the night which is awesome, thank goodness he has his daddy's sleeping habits.

I am so excited to live this adventure with him. What a great feeling!!!

SERIOUSLY

2008-08-27T18:55:00.002-06:00

I cannot believe it, the time is here. I have so many feelings running through me that I am not even sure how to describe them. If you don't know what I am talking about then you are apparently out of the loop. I am getting induced tomorrow morning at 8am and at this moment it seems so surreal. I have pure adrenaline running through my veins right now and I am not sure how I am going to get a moments sleep, I can only imagine what tomorrow is going to bring.
I am anxious, scared, excited (so excited), nervous, sick, worried and ECSTATIC.
I cannot believe I am going to meet my son tomorrow. This little boy who has been inside me for 9 months kicking, stretching and hiccuping is going to be outside in the real world where I will need to protect him for a lot longer then 9 months and that scares the hell out of me. I am going to have to be responsible for someone else besides myself and that seems insane. I hope all Mothers go through this because I feel like throwing up when I think about it.
I am so excited to be sharing this with someone who I have loved for such a long time. It seems we have hit a very important milestone in our lives and we are on a whole new adventure, I could not imagine sharing it with anyone else. He is my rock and I know I could not hold up without him.
Anyway, tonight will be the end of my pregnancy blog. I hope all those who have read have enjoyed!

Merrily we roll along

2008-08-18T23:38:00.002-06:00

We have now reached week 38 and there is no sign of progress. We are so anxious to meet our son so we are officially going crazy. Also, a little selfish on my side but I would like to have my normal fat body back, that seemed more manageable.
Each doctor appointment I keep expecting to hear that it should be anytime but each appointment I am disappointed. I think we have just been waiting so long for this little miracle that we are at our wits end in waiting. :)
Other than the waiting all is going well. I feel him moving all the time and I absolutely love it, that is one thing I am definitely going to miss, I can see why the mother and child bond is so great. The room is done and we finally got everything we needed before comes.
I am getting a little scared because each appointment I am measuring big and I am afraid I am going to give birth to a 3 yr old. Oh well, I am happy as long as he is healthy and happy, that is all that really matters and that is what epidurals are for.
Anyway, I am hoping that the next blog I write will be about how big he is on the outside.

Almost Done

2008-08-01T23:59:00.002-06:00

I am now at the point in pregnancy where I am seeing the doctor every week until the big day.
My last appointment was July 30th and I was 35 weeks and 4 days along. I cannot believe how fast time has passed. It seems like just yesterday we were finding out that we were pregnant, how time flies when you have so much to do!
So, I received my strep-b test at this last appointment and the doctor checked to see if I was dialated any. I walked back into the rooms and got weighed (my favorite part) and found I had not gained anything (yay!), and waited for the doctor to come in. The first thing he has you do is lay back so he can measure and see if you are coming along and I guess I was, more than he expected because he had to measure me twice. Apparently we should be expecting a very healthy baby (lucky for me)! I am just hoping that it was his feet that were the big part and the rest will come out smaller since I would prefer not to push out a 3 month old. :)
I am 1 centimeter dialated and he is head down. I cannot believe it is so close!! It still seems so surreal even though I can feel him all the time now. We are so excited and cannot wait to meet this little miracle!!!!

Baby Shower & 44 Days To Go!

2008-07-17T16:42:00.002-06:00

So, on July 12th the Grandma's threw me and Evan our baby shower for Chance. It was a lot of fun and we had a great turn out. Thanks to Tina I am able to post a couple of pictures (I love the one with me and Evan). We received some very fun things and it definitely has helped with all the stuff we still need. We played some fun games that I sucked at that Tina prepared and we ate some yummy food (I escpecially loved the potato salad)!

So, here we are with a month and a half to go and we still have SO much to buy and do.

Chance is moving around like crazy and he seems to respond when me and Evan are having conversations. I am so excited to see him!! Anyway, even though it has been a couple of months since my last blog I have nothing exciting to report. I am dying of heat and I feel as big as a whale but I just keep telling myself it is all worth it in the end!

Slowly But Surely

2008-05-21T22:23:00.002-06:00

So, I am now 25 weeks and 4 days and I am definitely feeling it! I went to the doctor last week and he said everything looks as good as it should. I am feeling him move more and I can now tell that I am pregnant and not just fat. I also cry over everything and when you are that emotional you feel like the whole world is against you, even though in your head you know that is not a logical thought. Tons of fun!!!

On another note. On May 3rd my daughter that I gave up for adoption was baptised. It was so weird to think that 8 years ago I gave birth to a little girl.
We were very lucky when my Mom met the people who adopted her 2 months after I gave birth to her, they let us come and watch her be baptised. I did not realize how emotional it was going to be for me (in defense I am pregnant).
She looked beautiful and very happy. I am so glad that she is growing up with such a great family. I do hope that one day she will come and look for me but for now it is enough to know she is in good hands.

So, that is the update so far!

Time Flies

2008-04-28T16:48:00.003-06:00

Time has flown by so far. I cannot believe that it has been almost 4 months since we found out we are having a baby. It seems like yesterday we were looking at that pee stick in complete disbelief. Anyway, things are going ok. I am now 5 months along and that is really exciting to me. I felt him kick the first time last week when I was not feeling very well. It was about 2 a.m. and I woke up with a not so great feeling in the tummy and that is when the little one decided to make his presence known, he kicked me (not very hard since he only weighs a pound) in the bladder, I guess it was in his way. I felt so sick that I did not get to appreciate it as much as I would have liked to. Now I push my tummy just to get his attention, I cannot wait until he gets bigger and we can play games. I think Evan is anxious for that as well.
We had a little scare on Friday, nothing big but enough to make me a little paranoid. My feet now have a habit of swelling to the size of watermelons if I am on them to long or I do not drink enough water. Thursday night we were at the mall and I was standing and walking so they started to swell, I thought I would get back to the house and put my feet up and they should be fine....not so much. We got home and I went to bed, every time I moved I kicked my feet and woke up in pain. So, Friday afternoon I call my Mom who is working at the hospital that day and she tells me to come in and she will take my blood pressure. I go in and all is fine, I am just puffy (that is how my loving Mom put it) and I need to lower my sodium intake and drink a lot more water. So, I am trying not to eat fries (painful) and I am filling up my water bottle every time it is empty. Hopefully I can avoid any major complications. So, that is the dealio right now.

Another Appointment

2008-04-15T18:29:00.007-06:00

So, we had my 20 week appointment yesterday (4/14), this has been my favorite one so far. They sent me to the imaging center first so they could take detailed pictures of the baby for our sake but for the doctors sake also (I guess he would need to know everything looks good too).
They got me right in and off we went on the journey of discovering Chance. They showed me cute pictures first (nope, nothing fell off) and it was awesome. I have attached some of the pictures I love for your enjoyment.

Of course she had to check all the important things, he has two kidneys, a heart that works (Evan stated that this proved and Irwin can have a heart), lungs that are developing fine, two hands, two feet (which are big according to the ultrasound tech, go figure), he has two eyes, a nose, a mouth with no cleft pallet and the most important thing (Evan was a little worried since it was an Irwin) a brain that seems to be in working condition. According to the ultrasound I am 20 weeks and 2 days and I could be due as soon as 8/24. Pretty cool!
I am a little anxious to feel Chance move (he is a kicker according to the ultrasound) and as weeks go by I am becoming more anxious and excited!!
Anyway, that is all I have to report at this time. I hope everyone who reads this is doing well and you are enjoying the updates as much as I am.

Just another day in paradise

2008-04-11T15:15:00.003-06:00

This has been one hell of a week. I have decided that trying to fight off any type of ailment while you are pregnant is impossible. Monday afternoon I was starting to feel stuffy and my throat hurt pretty bad, so I went home a little early to rest and see if I could beat it. Apparently when you are pregnant your body does not believe in fighting off your virus, baby is #1.
So, I worked from home Tuesday and Wednesday hoping I would feel better if I stopped major activity....nice try. On Wednesday evening a migraine hit, I could not see and I could not stop throwing up, it was horrible. I am sure if I were able to take something that actually worked for headaches I would feel much better but when pregnant you can take Tylenol and something my doctor prescribed me that is about 2 times better than Tylenol, needless to say my migraine lasted will into Thursday. I could not move, I did not want to move and there was no way anyone was getting me to move. So, Thursday night after 24 hrs of pain, the migraine subsided, thank God!!! Friday morning I get up to let the dogs out and as I am laying back in bed, I hit my head on the damn headboard....instant headache. I could have screamed. I lay in bed in pain for 3 hours, trying not to kill myself! Finally at 3pm it goes away. Why do women have more than 1 child? Is it insanity? Is the kid really that cute? :)
I am sure I will be recanting this after this one is born and I am ready for my next one but come on people....how do women have 8 kids, that seems like COMPLETE insanity to me!
Anyway, I am feeling much better now and hopefully after my doctor appointment Monday I can find a way to keep these migraines at bay. I am hitting my 20 week mark (halfway there) so Monday I will get some more pictures of little Chance, that is always exciting and I guess that is what makes it worth it! :)
In closing I came across this speech given by the Prime Minister, John Howard, in Australia and I really liked it so I feel compelled to share. This is his speech regarding immigrants who had come over and were complaining about the country.

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'
'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society... Learn the language!'
'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'
'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'
'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great freedom,
'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'
'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'

Chance Alexander Irwin

2008-03-31T11:39:00.005-06:00

We went to the doctor on Thursday (3/27) to do our gender ultrasound. We went down to the imaging department at Jordan Valley Hospital with excitement and enough curiousity to kill a cat. I was so nervous because I knew Evan wanted a baby girl and I was afraid he was going to be major disappointed if it was a boy. They got me in within a few minutes of giving them my file (they were a little distracted by 12 day old twins, boy and girl, that were there being adored, they were very cute)! I laid down on the table and waited for the wonderful jelly that they put on your stomach, thank God she had warmed it up. We first got a pretty good picture of the profile, it was very awe inspiring to see what we could see at 17 weeks, pretty crazy. After the technician pushed on my belly, in a not so gentle manner, to get the baby to move so we could see what it was, he finally displayed all his glory. I was so excited, it's a boy, exactly what I wanted. I looked over at Evan and could see he was a little disappointed but he told me he was just excited that we were finally going to have a baby. Since finding out what we were having we have not been able to stop shopping for sarcastic shirts or bibs. It has been so much fun. I think Evan is getting more excited than I am, but then again, I am the one that has to go through the pain so I am a little anxious. Anyway, all is looking good and he looks healthy and that is all I can ask for.

Oh, Ohio

2008-03-18T14:54:00.004-06:00

Here I am in Ohio for training and I am about to go crazy. I can honestly say this was a wasted trip, nobody knows what they are doing!!! How much fun is it to go somewhere and everyone is going crazy because of the mass confusion. I absolutely hate that I am away from my husband and my doctor. Anyway, so far everything is going ok and the traveling has not seemed to put to much stress on my body, which is good. I did come to the conclusion that Ohio is not much different from Utah, cold and boring. Not much to do but hope there is something good on television. The people I have met have been extremely nice and luckily they are all women so they are understanding of the many breaks I need to take. So, I will return Friday morning and I long for Utah more than I can explain. Thank goodness this week is almost over!

We are going to be parents

2008-03-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

So....I decided to keep a blog (open journal if you will) of pregnancy and whatever else should happen that may be of interest or something I would just like to write about.

First I would like to start out explaining how freakin excited I am about having a baby....excited and nervous.
Me and Evan have been married 7 yrs now and it came as a surprise to both of us that we were expecting. We tried having children within 2 yrs of being married and never really "stopped" trying, but the last year we decided we may not be meant for children....maybe we just need to take care of our dogs and be together. So, imagine my surprise when the home test indicated I was indeed pregnant. Me and Evan looked at the test in complete disbelief....shock....and a tinge of hope. The next day I made an appointment at the doctors to have my blood drawn. We waited 6 hrs before we found out the results (it was the longest 6 hrs of our lives). We received the great news that we were indeed pregnant....we looked at each other and just smiled, I think we were both in shock and denial.

Here I am now 14 weeks pregnant, due on August 30th (of course I get to be HUGE during the hottest months of the year) but it is worth it. We had our second prenatal appt last Thursday, the 28th. The doctor did an ultrasound and it was amazing, I had no idea you could see such detail at 14 weeks. We saw the head and feet and arms, it was amazing. The baby was moving a lot and it looked like he/she was dancing.
After we saw that ultrasound I think it really hit home....we are having a baby. The family we thought we were never going to have is actually going to happen. This is where the nerves and excitement come in.....me....a mom.....HOLY SHIT!

Everyone I have talked to says it all comes naturally and there is nothing to worry about, but these are people that have been parents for many years, not only that, I am a different person than these people, how do they know everything will be ok? Can they see into my future? If so, I wish they would just say "I can see you two years from now and everyone is doing great" instead of feeding me the "it all comes naturally" line.

I plan to keep this updated with any news so if you are interested....great. If not....great.